Why gender equity coaching matters for women leaders
By Professor Rebecca Jones, Professor in coaching & Managing Consultant at Shape Talent
Shape Talent’s Three Barriers research highlights the unique challenges women face in their careers. These barriers – societal, organisational, and personal – interact to create a complex, multi-layered work system that was not designed with women in mind. As a result, women are often disadvantaged at every turn.
These disadvantages are frequently subtle and nuanced. Without a deep understanding of how they show up, it’s easy for them to go unnoticed, even when we’re directly affected. After all, like the fish in the fishbowl, it’s hard to see the water when you’re immersed in it.
While it’s clear the system is not fit for purpose, systemic change takes time. So, what can women do in the meantime? Coaching is one powerful approach that can help. Research shows coaching can be highly effective in enabling women to not just survive but thrive in a system that wasn’t built for them.
In this article, we explore three key reasons why coaching matters for women leaders.
It’s not you, it’s me
Feedback is a critical part of being an effective leader. Without it, developing true self-awareness is difficult – particularly the interpersonal kind, which helps us understand how others experience us [i].
But what happens when the feedback women receive is confusing, contradictory, or even conflicting? For example, have you ever been told you’re:
- Not ambitious enough – or too ambitious?
- Not confident enough – or overly confident?
- Lacking self-belief – or arrogant?
- Too friendly – or too cold?
For many women in the corporate world, it can feel like you’re “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t” [ii]. This is because women face a range of double binds – socially constructed expectations that define what is considered “acceptable” behaviour depending on the roles we occupy. The problem? Many of these expectations conflict with what’s actually required to succeed in the workplace.
Take ambition, for example. It’s an essential trait for career progression – driving the behaviours needed to advance. Yet, when ambition is used to describe a woman, it’s often framed as a negative. In men, it’s assumed. In women, it’s criticised [iii].
A similar double bind exists with likability. Girls are socialised to be collaborative and caring, steered away from assertive or dominant behaviours, which are instead encouraged in boys [iv]. As adults, these norms translate into unequal expectations around likability and assertiveness. This is especially problematic in leadership. Research shows that while men’s likeability increases with success, for women, competence and likeability often appear mutually exclusive [v]. Women in senior leadership roles, roles traditionally associated with men – are particularly vulnerable to this ’likability penalty’.
As a result, women must navigate an impossibly narrow tightrope: behave in ways society deems acceptable while also displaying the often-opposite traits needed to advance [vi].
Unfortunately, the reality of these double binds isn’t widely understood. Instead, women are frequently made to feel that they are the problem. They’re expected to adjust their behaviour to fit a mould that was never designed for them.
This is one of the many reasons why imposter syndrome is so prevalent.
When women are repeatedly told – implicitly or explicitly – that they aren’t enough, while mediocre men are rewarded, the impact is profound.
Chamorro-Premuzic [vii] argues that this dynamic stems from our tendency to confuse confidence with competence. As a result, we’re often duped into believing that men are better leaders than women, simply because they appear more self-assured. But confidence is hard to sustain when you’re constantly receiving the message that something about you needs to change.
How can coaching help?
Coaching can’t eliminate the double binds women face at work, but it can help women understand, appreciate, and effectively navigate them.
Working with a coach who has deep insight into the barriers and double binds that women encounter can be transformative. Such a coach supports the meaning-making process. It helps women make sense of the often-contradictory expectations, beliefs and attitudes about what it means to be a female leader, and what it takes to succeed. These contradictions are rarely easy to reconcile.
A coach with strong gender equity expertise can guide this process, enabling women to take a pragmatic, empowered approach, so they can thrive in a system that wasn’t built with them in mind.
“It’s exhausting representing the whole of my gender, all of the time”
Being the only person of your identity group at work can be both isolating and exhausting. Being an ‘only’ often means carrying the burden of representing your entire gender, a responsibility that may feel unwelcome when you’re already navigating the everyday challenges of work and life.
This sense of difference makes you stand out, often leading to the perception that you don’t naturally belong in your role. Research highlights the unique challenges faced by women who are ‘onlies’, including micro-invalidations – subtle messages that devalue or dismiss their thoughts, feelings, or presence. [viii]
These micro-invalidations can manifest in various ways:
- Women being treated as second-class citizens
- Assumptions of traditional gender roles that frame them as ‘unnatural’ occupants of their positions
- Implied or explicit assumptions of inferiority
- Heightened scrutiny of their capabilities
The power of these micro-invalidations lies in their ability to (re)assert male dominance and reinforce exclusion. Over time, this has tangible consequences for women’s participation and progression.
Women who are an ‘only’ often find themselves in environments where they face open or covert hostility, and where some men may be unreceptive, or even suspicious, of their presence. The heightened scrutiny and surveillance they experience places enormous pressure to perform, often holding them to a higher standard than their peers.
How coaching supports the ‘only’
Coaching women who are an ‘only’ won’t remove many of the challenges they face, but it can provide vital support.
Often, the greatest harm of being an only comes from the unintentional gaslighting that accompanies subtle micro-invalidations. Because these experiences are so nuanced, women may begin to question their own sanity, perception of reality, or interpretation of events. This undermines confidence in their own judgment and reinforces feelings of imposter syndrome.
A coach who understands the experience of being an only can serve as a trusted confidant, offering a confidential space to explore and make sense of these challenges [ix]. Such a coach can genuinely empathise, helping to reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Minimising isolation and experiencing empathy are crucial, as social support is a key predictor of resilience [x]. In this way, coaching becomes invaluable. It helps women develop strategies to stay resilient and thrive despite the unique challenges of being an ‘only’.
How can I play the game if I don’t know the rules?
There is a prevailing belief that we live in a meritocratic society, where working hard and performing well guarantees career progression. However, this assumption overlooks the hidden rules that often govern success, like how visible we are to key decision-makers and how well we can ‘play the system’.
Exposure and visibility are crucial for career progression. No matter how hard we work or how well we perform, if the right people don’t see it, we’re unlikely to move forward.
The challenge is that exposure and visibility often depend on social capital, our potential resources derived from social connections, including interactions and receiving social support. Social capital manifests through informal networks. Unfortunately, research shows these networks are often segregated by gender and race. Women are less likely than men to have strong professional ties to senior leaders, relationships that are critical for promotion [xi]. This reality reinforces the adage: it’s not just what you know, but who you know.
Closely linked to informal networks is the importance of political savvy, i.e. the ability to understand others at work and use this insight to influence outcomes and advance organisational goals [xii]. Research confirms that political savvy is key to career success [xiii].
Yet women face a double bind here as well. They risk being penalised for engaging in political behaviours if those behaviours clash with female stereotypes [xiv]. Moreover, our experience coaching thousands of women shows how common it is for women to feel uncomfortable with the idea of ‘playing politics’ at work.
How can coaching help?
While coaching can’t dismantle the unwritten rules of success, it can help you understand what those rules are in the first place. Once you know the rules, you can decide whether you want to play the game, and if so, develop your own strategy for success.
Women often expend valuable resources and a tremendous amount of emotional labour trying to decode these hidden rules [xv]. Working with a coach experienced in the barriers women face in career progression can provide crucial support in this process.
A skilled coach helps you understand the role of visibility, influence, and office politics in shaping your career trajectory. More importantly, they can help you find an authentic approach. This means navigating unwritten rules while staying true to your values and priorities.
Choosing the right coach: Why a gender equity lens matters
Coaching is a powerful tool for women leaders, helping them to navigate the complex, multi-layered challenges they uniquely face in the workplace.
One-to-one coaching offers tailored, flexible support, designed around you and your specific needs, exactly when you need it.
However, women considering coaching should be aware that not all coaches are equipped to address the particular challenges women encounter. Many coaching programs adopt a ‘gender-neutral’ approach, which means the distinct barriers women face are often overlooked, and coaches are rarely encouraged to apply a gender equity lens.
Working with a coach who lacks this understanding carries the risk that coaching might unintentionally reinforce the very systems of oppression that contribute to ongoing gender inequities in the workplace. Without a gender equity perspective, coaching can focus on ‘fixing women’ and encouraging them to adapt and change to fit into a system that was never designed for them.
Choosing a coach who truly understands and embraces gender equity is essential. It supports your personal growth and drives lasting change in workplaces. The right coaching helps you break through barriers without losing your authenticity. It enables you to lead with confidence, resilience, and purpose in a system still learning to welcome women as equals.
When coaching is done right, it becomes a catalyst, not just for survival but for thriving and transforming the future of leadership.
References
[i] Carden, J., Jones, R. J., & Passmore, J. (2022). Defining self-awareness in the context of adult development: A systematic literature review. Journal of Management Education, 46(1), 140-177.
[ii] Jones, R. J. & Pereira, P. (2025). Simplifying Inclusive Leadership. Routledge.
[iii] Sieghart, M. A. (2021). The Authority Gap: Why women are still taken less seriously than men, and what we can do about it. Random House.
[iv] Shape Talent (2021). Three barriers to career progression: What organisations can do. https://shapetalent.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Three-Barriers-Whitepaper-2nd-Ed-FINAL.pdf
[v] Heilman, M. E & Okimoto, T. G (2007). Why are women penalized for success at male tasks?: The implied communality deficit. Journal of Applied Psychology, 92(1), 81–92.
[vi] Jones, R. J. & Pereira, P. (2025). Simplifying Inclusive Leadership. Routledge.
[vii] Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2013). Why do so many incompetent men become leaders. Harvard Business Review, 22.
[viii] Norman, L., & Simpson, R. (2023). Gendered microaggressions towards the “only” women coaches in high-performance sport. Sports Coaching Review, 12(3), 302-322.
[ix] Jones, R. J. & Andrews, H. (2025). Key Topics in Coaching Psychology. Routledge.
[x] Hartmann, S., Weiss, M., Newman, A., & Hoegl, M. (2020). Resilience in the workplace: A multilevel review and synthesis. Applied psychology, 69(3), 913-959.
[xi] Taylor, C. J (2010). Occupational sex composition and the gendered availability of workplace support. Gender & Society, 24(2), 189–212)
[xii] Shape Talent (2021). Three barriers to career progression: What organisations can do. https://shapetalent.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Three-Barriers-Whitepaper-2nd-Ed-FINAL.pdf
[xiii] Baskerville Watkins, M & Smith, A. N (2014). Importance of Women’s Political Skill in Male Dominated Organizations. Journal of Managerial Psychology, 29(2). 2, 206–222.
[xiv] Shaughnessy, B. A., Treadway, D. C., Breland, J. A., Williams, L. V. & Brouer, R. L. (2001). Influence and promotability: The importance of female political skill. Journal of Managerial Psychology, 26(7), 584-603.
[xv] Jones, R. J. & Pereira, P. (2025). Simplifying Inclusive Leadership. Routledge.