Building confidence in networking: why it matters and how to move past self-doubt
By Professor Rebecca Jones, Managing Consultant and Professor of Coaching
Networking is often described as important, but for many women it can feel uncomfortable, forced, or even at odds with how they want to show up professionally.
Yet the evidence is clear. Access to networks, visibility, and advocacy play a significant role in career progression. Research consistently shows that while performance is critical, progression is often shaped by relationships, sponsorship, and who is aware of your work. Without this, capability can remain unseen.
At the same time, networking can bring a particular tension. It involves a degree of self-promotion, which can trigger self-doubt or concern about how you are perceived. This is where many capable leaders hold back, not because they lack value, but because the internal narrative makes it harder to step forward.
1. Understand what networking really is
A helpful starting point is to reframe networking itself.
It is not about promoting yourself in a way that feels inauthentic. It is about building mutually beneficial relationships, sharing insight, and creating connection over time.
Research by Herminia Ibarra and Mark Hunter in Harvard Business Reviewthat effective leaders engage in what they call “strategic networking”, building relationships beyond their immediate team to gain perspective, influence, and support.
When networking is seen as contribution rather than self-promotion, it often feels more aligned and purposeful.
2. Notice the moments where self-doubt shows up
Self-doubt tends to appear in predictable moments. Before attending an event, when deciding whether to speak up, or when considering reaching out to someone more senior.
A leadership development programme participant I worked with described preparing for a cross-functional networking event. Despite strong performance in their role, they found themselves thinking, “I do not have anything valuable to say to these people.”
As a result, they initially planned to attend briefly, stay on the edges of conversations, and leave early.
Catching these thoughts in real time is a critical step. Rather than accepting them as fact, pause and label them for what they are, a protective response, not an objective truth.
3. Reframe your perspective in the moment
Once you notice the thought, the next step is to shift it.
In the example above, we worked on reframing the participant’s thinking from “I have nothing to offer” to “I bring a perspective others may not have.”
This was grounded in reality. They had direct insight into operational delivery that senior stakeholders often lacked.
Small reframes like this can change behaviour. At the event, they set a simple goal to contribute one relevant insight in each conversation. This made the interaction feel purposeful rather than performative, and their confidence grew as they saw others engage with their perspective.
Confidence often follows action, not the other way around.
4. Focus on curiosity, not performance
One of the most effective ways to reduce pressure in networking is to shift your focus outward.
Instead of thinking about how you are coming across, focus on understanding the other person. Ask thoughtful questions, explore their challenges, and look for points of connection.
This aligns with research on impression management, which suggests that people are perceived more positively when they show genuine interest in others, rather than focusing solely on presenting themselves.
It also makes conversations more natural and less transactional.
5. Build advocates, not just contacts
Networking becomes significantly more impactful when it leads to advocacy.
Advocates are people who speak about your work when you are not in the room. They help create visibility and open opportunities that might otherwise remain inaccessible.
Research on sponsorship, shows that individuals with sponsors are more likely to progress than those without.
Building these relationships takes time. It often starts with consistent, high-quality interactions. Sharing updates on your work, offering insight, and finding ways to support others can gradually build trust and credibility.
6. Take small, deliberate steps
Confidence in networking does not come from a single moment. It builds through repeated, manageable actions.
This might include setting a clear intention before an event, preparing a few conversation starters, or following up with one person afterwards.
Each of these actions reinforces a more constructive narrative about your capability and value.
Networking is not about becoming someone different. It is about making your work, your thinking, and your potential more visible in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
When approached in this way, it becomes less about self-promotion and more about ensuring your contribution has the impact it deserves.
Shape Talent offers expert-led Spotlight Coaching programmes supporting critical personal or professional development such as networking and confidence. Get in touch to hear more.
References
[i] Ibarra, H., & Hunter, M. (2007). How leaders create and use networks. Growth, 35(1), 101-103.